Always Content, Never Complacent {New Years Resolution}

Our pastor in Hawaii used to say, "I want to be always content, never complacent" and as a new year begins, I am claiming that phrase as my life goal for 2013.

It has taken me awhile to get where I am now as a mother; content and satisfied in my role as a SAHM.  At first I had a hard time giving up my professional identity to be "just" a mom, and later at times being "just" a mom was so overwhelmingly difficult that I yearned to return to work just to escape.  I have struggled with the lie that culture tells me that being a SAHM is insignificant.  But this year I have learned to look at my life through the lens of scripture which gives me a role model in the Proverbs 31 woman, a woman who devoted her life to the tasks of being a wife, mother, and general household manager, indicating that these tasks are significant and important to God. And now I am in a good place, a place of contentment and joy in the little tasks of motherhood.  The toddler still has tantrums, the baby still has inexplicable fussy spells and days are full of loads of laundry, little mouths to feed, and a home to manage. Despite the mundane tasks, my soul is content.  I feel like what I am doing is important and I feel privileged to be doing it.

Now that I have found contentment with what God has called me to right now as a SAHM, I am starting to feel a stirring in my soul, a longing for my life to make a difference outside of our little family bubble. This stirring is different than the longings I have had in the past.  In the past I longed to return to work to find significance.  Now, I have already found significance. This time there is just something inside of me that feels like it is going to burst, like I need to do something to help others experience the grace of God like I have.  I'm not yet sure what exactly God is calling me to at this point, but I know He is doing something in my heart to prepare me for what He has for me next and I am getting excited to learn what He is preparing me for.

This past year for me has been about finding contentment and joy regardless of circumstances. Now it would be too easy to become complacent in my own situation. But I do not want to ignore the broken world that I live in where other people need what I have in Christ. So my goal in 2013 is to be always content, never complacent.

Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman

The past few months I have been participating in a goodmorninggirls study of Proverbs 31 with several girlfriends.  I have shared on this blog before about the impact these particular words from God have been having on me and now as I have completed the study, I wanted to share a quick reflection.  As I have gone through the chapter I compiled a paraphrased list of the characteristics of this godly woman that is a role model for Christian wives.  I want to quickly share my list (broken down by verse) with you;

"10 An excellent wife, who can find? Her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

13 cheerful hard worker
14 provides good meals
15 early riser & household organizer
16 thoughtful investor of time and resources for the benefit of her family
17 strong (mentally/emotionally, physically, spiritually)
18 confidently gets things done
19 resourceful homemaker
20 cares for the needy
21 prepares ahead for changes
22 well dressed
23 character reflects positively on her husband
24 diligent work produces quality goods
25 smiles at the future
26 speaks in wisdom with kindness
27 watches over her family and their needs
28-29 blessed by her children & husband
30 lives out of a deep respect ("fear") for God (*key*)
31 enjoys the fruit of her labor

To become a woman with those qualities is a tall order!  I think verse 30 provides a key to becoming more like this exemplary woman. It says, "a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." I believe the key to being like this woman is not just to focus on each characteristic attempting to "do it all," but the key is to live every day and every moment in awe and respect of our holy Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:9-15 says, "Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men, but we are made manifest also in your consciences. We are not again commending ourselves to you but are giving you an occasion to be proud of us, so that you will have an answer for those who take pride in appearance and not in heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf." (NASB, emphasis mine)

To be like the Proverbs 31 woman, I must live with a recognition that my life is not all about me, but is for the purpose of honoring and glorifying God (1 Cor 5:15).  Live with a recognition that an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, holy God is with me at all times watching my every thought and action (1 Cor 5:10), as well as empowering me to do His will.  Live with a desire to know the heart of the Lord better and come to find that His heart is interested in loving and serving others.  It is out of respect for the Lord who has redeemed me (1 Cor 5:14) that I work to fulfill the highest calling He has placed on my life; the calling of being a wife and mother. This is why I am eager to serve my husband and my family.  Because based on the study of Proverbs 31, I know that God finds my role as a wife and mother as valuable, and fulfilling those roles well is praiseworthy.

I was so blessed by the final verse of this chapter which says, "Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates." This verse is such a blessing because throughout the passage we see a very hard working woman sacrificially honoring God and her family with her diligent labor.  And in this final verse it indicates that there will be fruit from her labor.  Her labor will not have been in vain!  Not that we should need any other reason to live a godly life aside from honoring and glorifying God, but it sure is a sweet blessing to know that our hard work towards that end will make a difference even in this life.

I certainly still have a lot of growing to do to become a Proverbs 31 woman, but over the past few months I have experienced God's power at work within me through these verses and can testify to making noticeable strides towards becoming more like this exemplary woman.  If you are interested in becoming more like the Proverbs 31 woman I highly recommend this study! You can find the study for free here (link at bottom of post).

Achieving Balance {Proverbs 31:20-22}

"She extends her hand to the poor,

And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household,

For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She makes coverings for herself;

Her clothing is fine linen and purple."

~Proverbs 31:20-22

The Proverbs 31 woman cares for the poor and needy, provides quality items for the needs of her household, and dresses well-- in that order. Balancing generous giving and having nice things for your family and yourself is a difficult balance and one that I have yet to achieve.  Sometimes I am so eager to have something nice that I buy it before considering others needs. Sometimes I feel like if I don't "give till it hurts" and deny myself everything but the bare necessities, then I am being selfish and ungodly.

These verses provide a model different than both of those approaches.  First they suggest giving when God puts a need in front of me. Then make sure to spend resources to anticipate and provide quality things for my family's needs. And finally, take care of myself as well by investing in my own appearance.  After all, I am a reflection of my family and my God.  I think the order of these things is important but it is also important to note that come time to take care of herself, there were still resources left {possibly that had been saved to address this priority} and she had no reason to feel guilty about having nice things.

Even with this model in mind, it can still be difficult to find a good balance. Wouldn't it be easier if there was a formula for exactly how much to spend on each area? But I think, as usual, the key to finding balance is not necessarily in focusing so much on the things that need to be balanced, but rather focusing on the One who provides the resources we are called to balance.

Have you ever held out your hand and tried to keep it completely still? It seems the harder you focus on not moving the hand, the more difficult the task becomes. I know for me when practicing yoga and attempting various balance poses, if I focus on balancing itself, I will surely fall. But if I focus on my breath as it restores my body, then I find previously difficult poses much easier.

I think the same principle applies to our spiritual lives whether it be allocating our financial resources or some other area that requires a delicate balance.  If I focus on God's character and how that relates to my purpose in life of bringing honor and glory to Him in all that I do, then questions of balance become simpler. When God puts a need in front of me and moves my heart, then I must be sensitive to His calling to give generously.  But God also delights in blessing his children and providing for our needs as well. So I can give thanks and bring honor and glory to God by providing nice things for our family at times when God has seen fit to bless us financially.

~Striving to practice balance by fixing my eyes on Jesus~

Progress Report {Proverbs 31}

"This is the day which the Lord has made;

Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

~Psalms 118:24

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

~Philippians 4:13

A few weeks ago I shared a confession about myself since we moved to Singapore. I spent my first couple of months here borderline depressed and wallowing in my own self-pity and misery.  It was definitely the worst two months of my life. At the end of my confession I committed to strive towards becoming more like the Proverbs 31 woman, an excellent wife whose "worth is far above jewels" (Proverbs 31:10). I wanted to offer a "progress report" today as a testament of what God has been doing in my life through the power of His Word. My circumstances have not changed, and yet, I have changed.  Not by my own will, but by the power of God working in me.  (I know this because I had already attempted ~several times~ to change by my own will and failed.)

Previously when I thought of Proverbs 31, a chapter of the Bible in which a son recalls his mothers guidance for selecting a good wife, it seemed idealistic, unrealistic, and kind of disheartening because it is basically a seemingly unattainable list of all the things a good wife does and just reading the list is exhausting! I expected God to use the study of this passage, that I am following along with on goodmorninggirls.org and participating in with a group of friends, to challenge and convict me (which He has).  What I did not expect was to be encouraged and empowered, which has been a life-altering experience.

I can see now, that God allowed me to go through that difficult time in my life, during which I was powerless to snap myself out of it, or to be the kind of wife and mother God calls me to be, so that He could show me His love and power in a way I have never experienced before. My heart longed to honor God with my life, but my sleep-deprived, nauseated body and weak emotions and mind gave in to lethargy and self-pity. But God honored the longing in my heart by bringing me words of encouragement and empowerment. 

I have been encouraged by the words of Proverbs 31 because, though they are challenging, they put extreme importance on the tasks of homemaking. The mother in this passage does not tell her son to find a wife with a good job who can keep herself busy doing impressive things outside the home (which seems to be what the world these days finds important). Instead, she tells her son to find a wife who can organize a home, who can prepare healthy meals, keep the house in order, shop wisely, and invest her time and efforts keeping her home and family as her priority.  It makes these tasks seem more significant and important than I, as a SAHM, have allowed myself to think of them.  It makes me feel like I am not wasting my potential by staying home and taking care of what is most precious to me, my family. (For the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with working outside the home, and I know many moms who work outside the home for the purpose of serving their #1 priority- their family.) 

Feeling the importance of what I do as a SAHM helped to motivate me to put in a load of laundry even when I had only slept an hour the night before and felt like my butt was permanently glued to the couch.  It has helped motivate me to make the most out of my measly kitchen and find dishes that are possible to make at home with the supplies we have, as opposed to eating out every meal. And they have encouraged me to see my family as a gift, not as a burden (as mothering had started to feel like). I now realize that my highest calling is to serve God by serving my family, not by doing impressive things outside the home.  

By doing at least one thing each day that I could be proud of (laundry, cooking dinner, taking Quinn to do something exciting for him), as inspired by my new found motivation through God's Word, my depression began to lift. I spent my time focusing on how I am blessed and how I can in turn bless my family, instead of cataloging all the reasons why I was miserable.  That change of perspective made a big difference in my mood.

Verses like Psalm 118:24 (above) and Philippians 4:13 (above) that I have known since childhood had new meaning and bring tears to my eyes as I read them now.  I went through a period when I did not rejoice for each day, but could not wait for it to end.  I could do nothing because I literally had no strength.  And now I have experienced how each day is worth rejoicing in, because regardless of my circumstances, today is one more day that I can serve the Lord with my life, no matter how insignificant that service may seem, it is good in His sight and brings purpose to my life.  And I now know that when I have no strength, when I ask Him, He will faithfully provide me with the strength to do what I need to do.

I am still very much looking forward to getting back to my home and my friends and family in the US. I am looking forward to meeting our little girl and saying goodbye to pregnancy symptoms. But most of my days now are filled with appreciation for this time I get to spend with Quinn before another little one arrives and with searching for little ways I can honor God by serving my family. 

Thank you to the many of you who have been praying for me regarding my difficulty living in Singapore and for the difficulties this pregnancy has brought. God may not be answering our prayers in the way we expect, but He is certainly making lemonade out of lemons in my life :-)

Confession

I have been moping around for almost two months now. When we first arrived in Singapore I had hope that I would settle in and begin to enjoy it or at least be able to tolerate it without being miserable. As time wore on I started to blame my state of discontent on the combination of pregnancy and Singapore. I expected things to improve after my first trimester. They didn’t. Now the pregnancy is much less stressful, I am less sick, and yet, I am still mopping and miserable. My mantra has been, “just get through this day and you will be one day closer to going home.” Basically, all that the moping and time spent dwelling on how miserable I am has accomplished, is pinpointing why I hate Singapore and what I will avoid at all costs in future relocation choices.  Maybe that is a valuable lesson, but something tells me it is not a lesson worth four months of moping and whining and complaining and making, not only myself, but also my husband, miserable.

I have tried to snap myself out of it.  I have tried to just “have a good attitude” and that will make things better. But unlike my usual highly adaptive self, none of my techniques for forcing myself to be happy, or at least pleasant to be around, have worked. It is frustrating and I had pretty much given up and resigned myself to being miserable for the next two months until I can get the heck out of Singapore!

I recently started a new Good Morning Girls Bible study. Of all things, the topic is Proverbs 31. Just what I wanted to study… how to be the perfect woman. Yay, that won’t be at all depressing considering I am currently failing almost every standard I have ever set for myself as a wife. I don’t clean (we have a housekeeper), I don’t cook (we get per diem $ to eat out and our “kitchen” is poorly equipped), I rarely do laundry, I never iron, most days I wear gym clothes all day even though I haven’t even been allowed by my OB to work out until last week, and I frequently whine and complain about my how miserable I am here. I decided to do the study anyway and just give myself the excuse that I can start applying it when I am no longer pregnant (which conveniently is also when I will no longer be living in Singapore).

Today I spent some time catching up on the GMG blog that accompanies the study and God has really spoken to me through these other women’s words (in addition to His own words in the Bible) that the time is now to be a godly woman, not later when I am no longer pregnant or no longer living in a place that I find unpleasant. Sure, there is grace for the days in which my pregnancy induced insomnia and sickness will require me to take it easy and that’s okay. But my attitude should not be that of writing off being a good wife until this difficulty passes. My purpose when I wake up in the morning should not be, “just get through this day so I will be one day closer to going home.”

So first, I want to apologize to my husband, who has been incredibly understanding and patient with me through the past two months.  I am sorry for not being the wife you deserve, the wife God calls me to be. And secondly, I want to declare my intention of striving everyday towards the example of the Proverbs 31 woman, an excellent wife whose “worth is far above jewels” (Proverbs 31:10).  I know it will take discipline and sacrifice and time, but I am tired of focusing on my own misery, it is time to focus on honoring God with my life each and everyday.