Progress Report {Proverbs 31}

"This is the day which the Lord has made;

Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

~Psalms 118:24

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

~Philippians 4:13

A few weeks ago I shared a confession about myself since we moved to Singapore. I spent my first couple of months here borderline depressed and wallowing in my own self-pity and misery.  It was definitely the worst two months of my life. At the end of my confession I committed to strive towards becoming more like the Proverbs 31 woman, an excellent wife whose "worth is far above jewels" (Proverbs 31:10). I wanted to offer a "progress report" today as a testament of what God has been doing in my life through the power of His Word. My circumstances have not changed, and yet, I have changed.  Not by my own will, but by the power of God working in me.  (I know this because I had already attempted ~several times~ to change by my own will and failed.)

Previously when I thought of Proverbs 31, a chapter of the Bible in which a son recalls his mothers guidance for selecting a good wife, it seemed idealistic, unrealistic, and kind of disheartening because it is basically a seemingly unattainable list of all the things a good wife does and just reading the list is exhausting! I expected God to use the study of this passage, that I am following along with on goodmorninggirls.org and participating in with a group of friends, to challenge and convict me (which He has).  What I did not expect was to be encouraged and empowered, which has been a life-altering experience.

I can see now, that God allowed me to go through that difficult time in my life, during which I was powerless to snap myself out of it, or to be the kind of wife and mother God calls me to be, so that He could show me His love and power in a way I have never experienced before. My heart longed to honor God with my life, but my sleep-deprived, nauseated body and weak emotions and mind gave in to lethargy and self-pity. But God honored the longing in my heart by bringing me words of encouragement and empowerment. 

I have been encouraged by the words of Proverbs 31 because, though they are challenging, they put extreme importance on the tasks of homemaking. The mother in this passage does not tell her son to find a wife with a good job who can keep herself busy doing impressive things outside the home (which seems to be what the world these days finds important). Instead, she tells her son to find a wife who can organize a home, who can prepare healthy meals, keep the house in order, shop wisely, and invest her time and efforts keeping her home and family as her priority.  It makes these tasks seem more significant and important than I, as a SAHM, have allowed myself to think of them.  It makes me feel like I am not wasting my potential by staying home and taking care of what is most precious to me, my family. (For the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with working outside the home, and I know many moms who work outside the home for the purpose of serving their #1 priority- their family.) 

Feeling the importance of what I do as a SAHM helped to motivate me to put in a load of laundry even when I had only slept an hour the night before and felt like my butt was permanently glued to the couch.  It has helped motivate me to make the most out of my measly kitchen and find dishes that are possible to make at home with the supplies we have, as opposed to eating out every meal. And they have encouraged me to see my family as a gift, not as a burden (as mothering had started to feel like). I now realize that my highest calling is to serve God by serving my family, not by doing impressive things outside the home.  

By doing at least one thing each day that I could be proud of (laundry, cooking dinner, taking Quinn to do something exciting for him), as inspired by my new found motivation through God's Word, my depression began to lift. I spent my time focusing on how I am blessed and how I can in turn bless my family, instead of cataloging all the reasons why I was miserable.  That change of perspective made a big difference in my mood.

Verses like Psalm 118:24 (above) and Philippians 4:13 (above) that I have known since childhood had new meaning and bring tears to my eyes as I read them now.  I went through a period when I did not rejoice for each day, but could not wait for it to end.  I could do nothing because I literally had no strength.  And now I have experienced how each day is worth rejoicing in, because regardless of my circumstances, today is one more day that I can serve the Lord with my life, no matter how insignificant that service may seem, it is good in His sight and brings purpose to my life.  And I now know that when I have no strength, when I ask Him, He will faithfully provide me with the strength to do what I need to do.

I am still very much looking forward to getting back to my home and my friends and family in the US. I am looking forward to meeting our little girl and saying goodbye to pregnancy symptoms. But most of my days now are filled with appreciation for this time I get to spend with Quinn before another little one arrives and with searching for little ways I can honor God by serving my family. 

Thank you to the many of you who have been praying for me regarding my difficulty living in Singapore and for the difficulties this pregnancy has brought. God may not be answering our prayers in the way we expect, but He is certainly making lemonade out of lemons in my life :-)