"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 4:6-7
Prayer has always been a difficult thing for me. I never really got the point of reciting a wish list of wants to God. He knows my heart and I don't need to tell Him what I want. At times I have been better about dutifully practicing prayer than others but it has rarely felt very significant to me which has always bothered me because the Bible says it is a big deal.
This year I have learned a lot about prayer and now treasure the intimate communication with God. I have learned that prayer is less about what I am asking for and more about how God is going to use those things which are near to my heart to teach me and those I love. In the quiet moments when I am open and vulnerable before Him, when I am actually listening, not just talking, He ministers to my heart giving me peace regardless of the outcome and teaching me to have a perspective and attitude more like His.
Previously if I was anxious or upset my first reaction would be to go to my husband. Recently the matter that had me full of anxiety was my husbands health and he was far too sick to have a coherent conversation with or to burden with my anxiety. I was forced to go to God and I don't think I'll ever forget the tearful conversation I had with Him while standing over the dirty bottles in my kitchen sink. When I began the conversation I was nearly paralyzed with fear and anxiety- for my husband and that our kids would catch what he had which would likely kill them. I was so anxious I couldn't stop shaking and my mind was racing such that I knew I wouldn't sleep a wink. And I knew there would be no quick resolution to my situation and I knew that I could not function as a care-giving wife and mother to a newborn and a toddler for very long in my current state- I was at the emotional end of myself. Through my conversation with God I could feel Him gently working on my heart changing my prayer from "I can't do this" to "You can do this and I trust You." At the end of the conversation nothing about my situation had changed and I had no promise from God that my husband or children would be okay or even live, but I had changed. He reminded me of the eternal perspective He has been teaching me about this year. He reminded me of all the reasons I have to trust Him. And He gave me a peace "which surpasses all comprehension" and strength to carry on as care-giver to my family.
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The peace which I experienced through prayer was only made possible by Jesus who lived and died to make peace between me and God possible. Jesus, who is called Prince of Peace, whose birth we celebrate at Christmas.
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