The Privilege of Motherhood

Today is my first official Mother's Day. Last year I was pregnant, which I think totally counts since there is nothing like the responsibility of growing a baby inside you! But to be technically correct, this is my first real mother's day and while everyone is celebrating mom's everywhere it has me feeling reflective about the privilege of motherhood.

Becoming a mother is something that we can't really control. We can prevent it, but we can't make it happen. God is the only author of life and despite our best efforts and careful planning, only He decides when life begins. I cannot make myself a mother, my husband cannot make me a mother, only God can make me a mother. And all praise be to Him, He DID! My child can only be described as a miracle and every time I think of his little life I cannot help but thank God for the privilege of being his mom.

Becoming a mom was a humbling experience for me. When Sam and I first decided we were ready to have a baby and the timing was right it was right before Sam was supposed to leave for a six month deployment. We had a two month window in which to get pregnant so that the baby would not be due while he was still gone. Talk about PRESSURE! And as much as I tried to tell myself that I was okay with it if we didn't get pregnant before deployment, it was really disappointing when my monthly "visitor" arrived the first month in our window. I am a bit of a control freak and I am use to getting what I want if I work for it. Against all odds though, the second month we were pregnant with Quinn. (by "against all odds," I mean... "in despite of a busy pre-deployment boat schedule in which Sam was gone all but a couple weekends of month #2")

Pregnancy was extremely humbling as well. I am an active person and pregnancy totally zapped my energy such that I was exhausted and unable to do some of the activities that I loved and that I felt like partially "defined" me. One of those things was running, which I had to give up during pregnancy because something about pregnancy made my heart rate soar after even 1/2 a mile at a leisurely pace and I would almost black out.

Then Quinn arrived, a little unexpectedly before we were ready (still living in a hotel with none of our house hold goods...) as if I needed a reminder of how out of control we were of the situation. Then he was in the NICU for 12 excruciating days. There is NOTHING worse than being a new mommy and not being able to do a thing to help your child. Then he came home, praise God, and we had to learn over and over again that we will never "figure him out." Try as we might to get him on a schedule and detect what the problem could possibly be when he cries, he kept throwing us curve balls every time we thought we'd figured it out.

Despite the humility, and how often times it is exhausting taking care of an infant's every need 24/7, it is the most amazing experience in the world to be a mommy. There is nothing like seeing your baby look at you with recognition in their eyes and give you a big 'ole smile just because you are their mommy! My heart literally melts every time my little guy gives me a grin.

So today as people talk about thanking mother's for their sacrificial love, all I can think of is thanks be to a gracious God who chose to give a totally undeserving me the ultimate privilege of raising one of His precious children. And my heart goes out to all those women aching with a desire to be called 'mommy' and I pray for God's grace and blessing in their lives. My heart is yearning with a couple of my dear friends today that God would give them the same privilege He has given me.

Quinn, it is a privilege and honor to be your mommy. I love you today and always. ~Mommy