"You don't want to go to swim practice today but it was your choice to commit to this sport and your father and I are now financially invested in you finishing this season, so get your googles. You can quit when it's over." ~Mom
But I never quit when the season was over. At least not until an injury forced me to. You know why? Because finishing made the hard work worth it.
Now I don't have my mom to drag my bum out to the minivan and drop me on the curb by the pool. But her voice still rings in my mind as I sit in my {slightly cooler than a minivan} car in the gym parking lot trying to gather the motivation for my weekly long run. The first of many mental battles during today's marathon training, of which I will spare you the details.
Since I don't have my mom here holding me accountable to my commitments, I often look to God for the motivation I need. I unconsciously ascribed my parents' message about commitment to God. And in the process connected my performance {following through with commitments} with His approval. To be clear, I have never felt that my parents' love was dependent on performance, just as I know God's is not. But beyond unconditional love I also want those who are important to me to approve of and be proud of me.
Around mile 8 when I was regretting ever signing up for this bloody marathon, clear as day, I felt God say "You don't have to do this for Me. If you do this, do it for you." Sometimes that permission to quit is the freedom that keeps me going.
"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery." ~Galatians 5:1
Though Scripture clearly encourages perseverance, as my parents taught me, righteousness before God, and therefore His approval, is the result of faith alone.
Pursuing purpose and passion are secondary to pursuing God through faith. Purpose in life is a gift to be a part of God's work here on earth. But pursuing purpose doesn't get me any closer to God. I simply cannot earn my standing before Him-- Jesus already did! Purpose is good, but only in perspective. When purpose takes precedence above presence, it is no longer holy, it is idolatry.
I want my life to be holy, set apart to God. I certainly don't want the things I seek to honor the Lord with, like my dedication to follow through with commitments, to become dishonoring because I use them to create idols or distort the gospel message.
The truth is I have already failed at perfection too many times to ever be able to earn God's approval by the things that I do. The glorious truth is that I don't need to earn His approval! Starting and finishing my long run {or any other task} is not going to impress God with my perseverance and dedication. Maybe I should still do it because perseverance and dedication are worthwhile in their own rite, but it is not earning me any favor in God's sight. When He looks at me He looks for my faith or lack of it. His full approval is based on my faith that He is Who He says He is and can do what He says He can do.
I hope these ramblings have not diminished the value of perseverance and hard work! I am only suggesting that in my own journey I have accidentally elevated those good characteristics and used them in a way they were not intended-- as a way gain approval. Perseverance and hard work are better employed to live out my purpose after my approval has been secured through faith. In fact it is so freeing and empowering to know that failure to persevere, or failure at anything really, does not effect my approval in God's eyes.
Instead of the popular question, "What would you do if you could not fail?"
I ask... What would you do if failure had no effect on your approval?
Apparently my answer is... I would train for a marathon :)
1 comment:
As you know, I went to a lengthy seminar about jumping/explosive movements yesterday. An entire portion of the class was devoted to overcoming fear of failure! Being afraid of failure can push a person to keep going long after they should have quit or even be the cause of failure, itself. We also got a big talk about how if the instructor told us "nice job, but you should call it a day there and not try a harder variation" to actually listen instead of being prideful and pushing on. He emphasized this with a story about a girl on Kauai who he told not to try to jump higher, she tried, failed, split her shin open to the bone, and she just kept repeating how embarrassed she was to have failed the jump in front of everyone. That is definitely a case of taking perseverance too far!
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