Vision

Our family has spent the past 2 months traveling and moving cross country. But more on that later. Today I wanted to share a couple of entries from my journal over that time.

10/14/13
I've been looking forward to a new women's conference for months. The authors of many books that have been extremely influential for me over the past year are all on the leadership team for this conference and I was excited to go and learn from them and worship with them. A few days ago I even bought my plane tickets to Austin, TX for the conference. I was a little nervous when they announced pre-registration for email subscribers would open today at 11am CST when I would be on a flight and unable to register. During a hectic layover I hurriedly got out my smart phone to register only to find the event had sold out with-in an hour of opening, an hour which I was on a flight! I had told myself if this happened it would be a sign that I wasn't meant to go but it was still so disappointing. Reading the words of these women was like reading the beat of my own heart and I just knew I was meant to be there. In my disappointment as I tried to convince myself it wasn't meant to be I felt God whisper to my heart, "I AM all you need. You have My Word and My Spirit." Truth sinks in and heals all, including disappointment. Joy and peace overcome me as I thank my God for being my All in All, for empowering and inspiring me directly through His Word and His Spirit such that though other women have much to teach me, I have the greatest Teacher already who can speak to me, change me and move me without any conference. He already planned exactly who needed to be there and He planned that I would not be and made sure of it by putting me on an airplane while all the spots sold out. I think I was hoping for this conference to help give me a vision and a plan for how I can be used in the Kingdom when really, the only One who can do that is the King. I am so excited for what God is going to do through IF: Gathering and I am so excited and anxious for what He is going to do in me!

10/20/13
Standing in church this morning at our old church in Hawaii, Inspire Church Waikele, I think God may have given me a vision of the next step in His plan for me. When we left Hawaii 3 years ago I was on the verge of a major life change which triggered in me an identity crisis. I left a job I loved and felt called to (teaching) and a church and a small group where I was inspired and challenged, and moved to California and immediately became a stay-at-home-mom; the first "job" I ever felt under-qualified and inadequate for. It was a rough transition learning not to find my identity in my professional success, but in my Creator, not in my calling, but in Who called me. It took me nearly a year, probably more, to work through that and in some ways I still struggle with it. As a SAHM I often feel bored and discontented and want more purpose and meaning in my everyday. I want it for myself and I want to model it for my children. I want our family to make a difference outside the walls of our home and with two young children I have struggled to find a way to do that with them and their naps and bedtimes, etc. Over the past year God has also been teaching me through His Word (mainly the Gospels) and through Christian women writers about His serious call to all believers to care for "the least of these." He has developed in me a new tenderness and compassion for the less fortunate and I have been struggling to figure out what to do with that. We've crunched our budget, given more, planned and funded awareness events, and still the tug remains on my heart to do something more. I honestly don't know where to start. Even if I didn't have young children I don't know where to start. Giving money is good and necessary but isn't everything and I feel like there is so much more to this. People need more than money. I need more than just tightening the budget and throwing money towards them. We need real community, real relationships. But I don't know where to start, especially with children. I know there are other moms who feel the same way. I just talked to a good friend who doesn't even share my faith who is longing for a way to help her family give back to the community and those in need. Standing in church during worship this morning the Spirit overwhelmed me with His love and the powerful connection of the body of believers worshiping together and I felt like I was right where I belonged and He gave me a vision of finding opportunities for moms to make a difference in the community. A vision of partnering with churches and community organizations to find ways for moms and their children to serve and build community across boundaries. I don't have a clue where to start, but the passion is there and the vision has been cast. Father, help me. Open doors and guide me.

It wasn't until reading back through my journal that I recognized the connection between these two entries. But now it blows me away to see how God provided what I was seeking by shutting one door and opening another. Please pray for me as I continue to seek God's guidance and move forward with the vision He has given me!