Sleep Training

We are pretty stoked that our 3 month old preemie is now sleeping through the night {8pm-6am} now that she is finally the requisite weight for going that long without nursing {11 lbs}. We are also excited about the predictable nature of our days {naps and eating} which makes planning errands and activities and maintaining sanity {via happy, well-rested, well-fed children} much easier.  I am well-aware that there are many philosophies regarding helping children learn to sleep and eat and I am not about to suggest that the way we do things is the right fit for every family.  I fully believe that you have to find a philosophy that fits your personality, your beliefs, and your family. I am only offering this post as one of the many options for raising happy, healthy babies!

Our choice of methods for helping our children learn healthy eating and sleeping habits was based on the following beliefs:

• Babies and children are a part of a family. Obviously since they rely completely on others to take care of their needs, they will receive a significant portion of parental time and energy. However, it has always been our goal to raise our children as part of our family, not as the the one person the whole world revolves around. 
• Parents know best. Of course we think it is important to listen to what our children are telling us they want/need, but ultimately, they are children, and they don't always know what is best for them. If you ever ask our toddler if he wants to go to bed, 9 times out of 10 he will say no, but we all know letting him stay up indefinitely isn't good for him {or anyone else} and since he has been raised to go to bed when mom and dad say it is bed time, he almost always easily lays down for the night when we put him in his room.
• Routine is beneficial. As an individual I am much happier when I have a routine; I know what to expect and can prepare myself accordingly.  It makes me feel secure having some reliable stability to my life. As a teacher, I have experienced how true this is for other people as well because virtually all my students perform better when I implement routines.  As a mother I have experienced the truth of this with my toddler who is quite angelic unless you mess with his routine!

What we have done with our children is our personalized version of what we learned through two books; Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg.  With our first we followed very closely to Babywise because as new parents we didn't have a clue what we were doing and just needed a plan. With our second we have combined the practices described in both books with what we have learned from our own experience and what we know will work for our family. 

First 3 Months "4th Trimester"

We weren't too strict with anything during this time.  We mostly just tried to get to know our baby while focusing on a few key things.

• Make sure every feeding is a full feeding. No snacking! When babies snack they obviously want to eat more often because they get hungry quicker.  And if they are breastfed, they only get the foremilk which is lower in calories and nutrition than the hindmilk. So I would feed LK whenever she was hungry which generally ended up being every 2-3 hours during the day and every 4-6 hours at night, but during those feedings I encouraged her to make sure she ate a full meal.
• Lay her down to sleep when she is still awake. This way she learned to fall asleep on her own. We never really let her cry but we would let her fuss a little.  If she was really upset we would soothe her but sometimes she just needed to get a little fussiness out before she would fall asleep on her own. This was actually advised by our pediatrician who said that it is important for babies to learn to go back to sleep on their own between 2 and 4 months otherwise you will likely have sleep issues for months to come. 
• Eat. Play. Sleep. Repeat. Except at night when you eliminate the "play." 

3 months plus

After getting to know LK and starting to teach her some habits like eating full meals and falling asleep on her own, we implemented what the Baby Whisperer calls a "structured routine" at 3 months {which happened to coincide with her weighing enough to sleep completely through the night}. This involved dropping the middle of the night feeding and implementing more intentional awake and nap times.

• Dropping middle of the night feedings: Previously when she would wake up in the night I would go nurse her in her room and put her back to bed. At this point {11 lbs} when she woke if she was just fussing, not really crying, I just let her be.  If she started crying I went in and soothed her but didn't feed her. All babies will be different and I am fortunate that LK is a very easy baby. The whole process took 2 nights. The first night I had to go soothe her 3 times. The second night she did wake up and fuss a little bit but never cried so I didn't go in at all. And the third night she slept right through with no fussing or crying.
• Intentional awake and nap times: Now I know about how much sleep she needs and I have learned her tired cues from observing her the first 3 months. So I organize my day such that she can get her naps in and stay on an eat-play-sleep routine.  This can be a little difficult especially since I have a toddler that also wants to go do things in addition to the typical errands that must get run.  But I know from experience with Q that a few months of being somewhat inconvenienced by adhering to a nap schedule is well worth having a happy, well-rested baby who learns good sleep habits. 

A day in my life following this plan looks something like this:

6am- Feed LK and put her back to bed, shower, do my quiet time, plan our day

8am- Get Q up, dressed and fed

8:30am- Get LK up and dressed

9am- Feed LK

9:30am- Play time at home {tummy time & jumperoo for LK, Q picks his own toys}

10am- Walk the dogs and play outside

10:30am- LK nap time {either Q plays at home or we go to aquarium/children's museum or somewhere that LK can sleep undisturbed in a carrier or stroller- no in/out of car- for at least an hour}

12pm- Feed LK

12:30pm- Lunch for Q and myself while LK "plays" on her own

1pm- Q watches a kids video while I spend time with LK

1:30pm- LK nap time

2pm- Q nap time

3pm- Feed LK and play with her till Q wakes up

4pm- Q wakes up and has a snack

4:30pm- LK nap time and I play with Q

5:30pm- Daddy gets home and Q plays with him while I cook dinner

6pm- Feed LK

6:30pm- Dinner

7pm- Bath time for both kids

7:30pm- Read books and play with dad while I pump milk for LK

8pm- Q's bedtime, Daddy feeds LK a bottle and puts her to bed 

This is a typical day but our actual schedule varies significantly from day to day.  The basic bones of the schedule stay pretty much the same though {the feedings in purple and the naps in green} but may fall at slightly different times depending on what we have going on. As she grows we will constantly be tweaking this schedule as her feedings stretch to 4 hours apart and as she drops the 3rd nap and eventually the 2nd nap as well.

Benefits

After doing this with our first child who is now two, we chose to do it again with our second because it suits our family and we've observed some benefits that are important to us.

• Good Sleepers. Our son is 2 and we have never had any sleep issues with him. We put him to bed for naps or nighttime wherever we are according to his typical routine and he goes down without a problem. Our families are amazed at how simple it is to put him to bed.
• Flexibility. Once the routine is established it allows for a lot of flexibility. We can take our kids anywhere and they will sleep at their appointed times with no problems. This has been great for our social life because we can easily just put them to bed in a pack-n-play over at a friends house.  It is also great for traveling. Our 2 year old is an excellent traveler and falls easily right back into his routine even in foreign time zones. {We'll see how LK does in a couple of months...}
• Predictability. I am a planner and it is really helpful to know when to expect my kids to need to eat or need to take a nap.  I know when the best time of day to make appointments or to run errands or to get together with friends is based on when I know my children will need to eat and sleep. Their routine is flexible enough that it doesn't completely run our lives, but I know that life will be easier for all of us if I respect it.

Like I said before, this method may not be a good fit for you and your family and I fully support families choosing methods that are a good fit for them.  If what I have shared sounds like a plan that might suit you, then I would encourage you to check out Babywise and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Babywise shares a lot of the philosophy behind what we do and The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer offers a lot of helpful techniques.  They aren't technically related but they echo the same points and I think they are an excellent compliment to one another.