Home is where the heart is?

Today, spending our great American holiday, the 4th of July, overseas with my husband and child has me thinking of "home" and how that is such a difficult concept for me to define.  I'm an American, and being overseas for the past few months has made me appreciate and long for my home country. But where exactly is "home?" Is it even a physical location?

Happy 4th of July from Singapore!

My little grill master with his oven mit

Being goofy with our oven mits

We have a "home" in California where all our earthly possessions reside, the things we find important enough to lug around the globe on our many many military moves.  There is certainly something comfortable and "homey" about being surrounded by familiar things with years of memories hidden in them... the first piece of furniture we bought when we got married that now has a hole in the cushion from one of our dogs burrowing in it, the pie plate I use to make my husband's family's apple pie that is his favorite, my favorite serving dish that was a wedding gift from good friends bought in a place near and dear to all our collective hearts, our surfboards sitting in the garage that bring a smile to my face every time I see them remembering the good times we've spent with good friends surfing the beaches of Oahu, the house where we brought our first born home from the hospital, etc.

Despite having a home in California, we often refer to Maryland as "home" because that is where we met and fell in love and where our families and our best friends, our children's godparents, still live. We both grew up on the East coast and just don't feel quite at home when it is 85 and sunny on Christmas day (when we lived in Hawaii) or when it is 65 and foggy the entire summer (where we currently have a home in Cali). There is something about the familiar memories of our childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood... of unbearably hot summers spent at the pool or the beach getting 5 shades darker in the sun, crisp, beautiful fall evenings at football games in a sweater with a hot apple cider, cold, snowy Christmases and President's Day ski trips, and the hint of warmth and life in the spring sparking spring fever just in time for spring break... that strike a chord in both of us as "the way things should be."

Right now, having my family together is "home," even if our location is literally on the other side of the world from all that is familiar and comfortable to us.  The luxury of being together is not something we take for granted as a military family.  When Sam is deployed, I never feel quite at home until I am back in his arms again.

As the saying goes, "home is where the heart is" and in that case, my "home" and my heart are spread far and wide. There are pieces of my heart in California, Maryland, many of the other places we have lived, wherever my closest friends currently live, and mostly wherever my husband and children happen to be.

As of yesterday I will be returning to California from Singapore (where Sam will be staying to finish his Master's program) next week. We decided to move my return flight up because of pregnancy concerns.  As I've mentioned before, I have a bicornuate uterus that poses a greater risk of pre-term labor (Quinn was a premie). My doctor in Singapore doesn't see any reason to worry as of yet because everything looks healthy and I did carry Quinn till 36 weeks which means my uterus can handle at least that much. But she has begun frequent checks of my cervix to monitor for shortening which would mean that I could not fly the 20 hours back to the US and would be stuck in Singapore for the duration of this pregnancy and any hospital time the baby may require until baby and I are healthy enough to return. We decided that it was not worth the risk of me having to stay here potentially 2 months (or more) after Sam has to return to California, and delivering here alone, just for us to have a few more weeks together.  So we are optimistic that nothing will happen, but we are playing it safe by me and Quinn heading back to the US next week.

The thought of returning to California is bittersweet to me.  I do not love it here in Singapore and will be very glad to get out of Southeast Asia.  I can't wait to see my family and friends in the US again and get back to our normal routine. On the other hand, I am very sad to be leaving half my heart in Singapore. A two month separation doesn't seem like much for us, as we are use to being apart for about 75% of the year (with very little communication). And after all, what is a Fromille pregnancy without a move, some overseas travel, multiple OB's, and a significant separation?!? (yea... we like to keep things as complicated as possible :-P) But this will be Quinn's first significant separation from his dad.  We purposely planned to have our children during Sam's shore tour to avoid this scenario at least for a couple of years... but this will just be a good trial run for when Sam really does have to go back on deployment and at least we can still skype with him this time!

Quinn getting "giraffe kisses" while reading "Kisses for Daddy" before bed

Quinn will really miss his special time with his dad while we are on different sides of the world

I guess my concept of "home" will continue to be unclear for at least a little while longer as I head "home" without the most important aspect of "home," my husband.