"This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us." (NASB)
Confession... Sometimes I like living in the darkness. I want to cover up those parts of my character that I am not proud of. I like not having the accountability of the light exposing some of my thoughts and deeds. But God is light, and I want to be near Him, I want to become more like Him. So I am challenged this week to leave the "comfort" of hiding in the darkness.
I am reminded of a silly little habit of my sister's. My gorgeous sister Megan only wants to have her picture taken on her "good side." If we are posing for a photo and she realizes that her body is angled such that her "bad side" is facing the camera she will hurriedly reorganize everyone or strike some awkward pose so that only her "good side" is showing. This habit cracks me up because in all honesty, my sister doesn't have a "bad side" and no one understands this silly little quirk of hers! But when the topic of living in the light comes up I feel kind of like my sister, scrambling to get into position so that the light shines on my good qualities, while those aspects of my character that I am ashamed of stay hidden in the shadows.
God is Light. And just like when we turn on the lights in a dark room, the light exposes the room for what it is; when I let the word of God shine on my life, I am exposed for who I am. And the truth is, I am just a sinner and there are things about me that I would rather not show off. In fact, there are things about me that I don't even want to think about or deal with myself.
But, if I choose to hide part of myself in darkness I cannot have true fellowship with God or others. One of the things I love about my marriage is that I feel like my husband knows me really well. He knows my faults probably better than anyone and he still chooses to love me. The "full disclosure" between my husband and myself is one of the reasons I feel like we have such a close relationship. I don't have to hide those parts of myself I am ashamed of because I am worried he won't love me, because he already knows those parts of me and has proven his faithfulness and love despite those things (side note: what an awesome example of how marriage reflects Christ's love for the church!).
I don't just want to have authentic fellowship with my husband though. As amazing as he is, he doesn't fulfill every relational need I have. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I fully believe we were created for community, and that includes people outside of my little family! Which reminds me of my high school small group. Starting out our group didn't know each other that well and we were somewhat awkward together, offering safe cookie cutter answers to discussion questions, until one courageous girl confessed to cheating on a test at school. The vulnerability that she showed making that confession spread around the group and we all began to open up to each other and really pull into a deep fellowship with one another. And to this day, that time in my life was one of the most intense times of spiritual growth for me and I contribute much of that growth to my experience in that small group. An experience which would not have been the same if we had not allowed the light to shine on our shortcomings and supported each other in allowing Christ to overcome those sins in our lives.
It is extremely scary to open up to others and allow parts of you to show that you aren't necessarily proud of. It takes a lot of courage because the possibility of harsh judgement and rejection is always a concern (at least for me). And I do think that it is wise to be discerning about who we choose to be vulnerable with, but that is a whole 'nother can of worms. However, in my experience, opening up to others generally comes with great blessing, like the experience of true fellowship!
Furthermore, God promises to forgive me and cleanse me from my sins when I walk in the light and own up to my shortcomings. I think it is significant to note that in this passage walking in the light (verse 7) and confessing (verse 9) precede forgiveness. I have to acknowledge my shortcomings before God will forgive me and cleanse me from them.
I regularly acknowledge that I am a sinner and ask for God's forgiveness which I think is probably minimally sufficient. But I know I would learn so much more if I were to be more specific in my requests for forgiveness. Sometimes I (very wrongly) think, "well, actually I've been pretty good lately... I can't really think of anything specific to ask forgiveness for... but I know I'm not perfect so I'll just ask for a 'blanket' of forgiveness anyway." And oh boy was verse 10 convicting for times like those! When I start feeling like "I can't really think of any sins" it most likely means that His word is not in me. Because guaranteed, when I spend time reading the word of God, I am always humbled and reminded of my utter dependence on His faithfulness and righteousness to forgive me!
So my goal for this week is to be intentional about walking in the light! I hope you'll join me so we can both experience true fellowship and God's gracious forgiveness.
1 comment:
Beautiful, Molly. I, too, need to work on my "walking in the light". Thanks for the inspiration.
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