Intentionally Focused {week 2 reflection}

This week I was reminded that I am laid bare before God who judges even my thoughts and the intentions of my heart. "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joint and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do" (Hebrews 4:12-13). I am accountable to God and it is only by His grace and the work of Jesus Christ that I can stand before Him as a child of the Most High God.

I have come to learn over many years how precious my position as a child of God is and how my true identity and fulfillment can only be found in bringing glory to the One who made me and owns my heart. I have been reminded again this week that grace is found in living in the Spirit (John 4:13-14) and joy is found in living a fruitful life for God's glory (John 15:11).

I desire more than anything to live a fruitful life for the glory of God. And I have feared more than anything that God would choose not to use me. Praise Him for vanquishing that fear this week when I was reminded of God's promise to bear much fruit in me when I abide in Him. "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

For a long time now I have been partially abiding in Him and therefore only experiencing part of the satisfaction that God desires to fill me with (Psalm 63:5). I study His word, pray for the fruit of the Spirit in my life, and do my best to reflect Him to those around me. And those things are vitally important but they are not the full picture of obeying His commands and John 15:10 says "If you keep my commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love."

Over the past year or two God has been awakening me to causes and commands close to His heart, like fighting injustices such as modern-day slavery and poverty. I have been fumbling awkwardly trying to figure out what I can do about these things aside from just giving money, which is important, but is not everything. For the most part though, I have continued to ignore some of Jesus's direct commands to His people because I feel powerless and clueless regarding these matters. In Luke 12:32-34 Jesus commands his followers, "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kindgom. Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves money belts which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near nor moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Furthermore, God has commanded ever since Old Testament law, what Jesus confirms as the greatest commandment in Luke 10:27, "And he answered, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all you heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.'" Love is the greatest commandment. How can we claim to love and still turn a blind eye to the injustices in the world?

The following verse has been sitting on my counter for a week now as part of The 2014 Jesus Project (Scripture memory project). "Do whatever He tells you"~John 2:5. This was said by Jesus's mother Mary at a wedding when they had run out of wine and she wanted Him to do something about it. This was before Jesus started His public ministry and performing public miracles. But Mary knew He could do something about this problem and told the servants to "do whatever He tells you." After looking at this verse for a week, it finally dawned on me that doing whatever He says, precedes the miracle. If I want to see His power and His glory in my life, "Do whatever He tells you." And He has clearly commanded me to love "the least of these," in His own words. Referring to judgement day, in Matthew 25, Jesus teaches that the King will separate those who truly belong to Him from those who only pretend and "Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and your clothed Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'" And when the righteous question when they did these things, "The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even to the least of them, you did it to Me.'"

I have spent much of my life justifying ignoring these commands by saying "Those aren't my gifts, I'll do something else." But unlike preaching, teaching, prophecy, and healing (1 Cor. 12), seeking to meet the needs of the poor, oppressed and abandoned in love is not a matter of special gifting. This kind of love is commanded of every believer in response to the grace and love we have been freely given. How we are called to fulfill that calling in our lives might look different for each one of us, but rest assured that if we are not doing it, we are not living within the will of God. If we do not obey in this area, we are not abiding in Jesus. If we do not care, our hearts are clearly far from God's.

Last week I also got a peek at Jesus's prayer life in Mark 1:35-38 and was reminded how vital and powerful prayer is for giving us missional direction and the strength and power to pursue our purposes. Since I know that God desires more from me in this area of loving the least of these, I have been praying for Him to soften my hardened heart in this regard.

Saturday night Sam and I went out to dinner to our favorite Cuban place in downtown New Haven, about and hour from where we live. We had a wonderful, much-needed date! After dinner, immediately upon leaving the restaurant an older man with the saddest eyes I have ever seen approached with his hand out. We avoided him and moved on towards our car. On a street corner another man came up while we were waiting to cross the street babbling jibberish with an outstretched hand. I recoiled, honestly unsure of what he was doing. As we walked away I heard him say defeated, "I'm hungry. And it's cold." My heart stopped, but I kept walking. I was quiet on the drive home, broken for these people and appalled at my ability to brush them off and keep on walking. "What should I have done, Lord? I have no way to relate to them. There must be a shelter where they can get some food and warmth if they just agree to stay sober." And God said, "Do not forget that I see the intentions of your heart. You are laid bare before me and it is only by my grace that you stand here now. It is only by my grace that you have the life you so often think you deserve." And there it was, the answer to my prayer. My heart was once again humbled by grace. Regardless of our situation in life, we all have something very important in common. Whether we know it or not, we are all utterly dependent on His grace. Thank You Jesus for that grace. Don't let me miss the next opportunity to show similar grace to someone who may not deserve it. Now I wish I could reach out and hold that man's hand. I wish I could at least offer him the leftovers I carried and the dignity of at least really seeing him. At least.

I have so much to learn, but God help me, I will abide in Jesus.

More Than Useful, He Is Beautiful

I am hungry. Hungry for God's Word. For many years I have read it and it has moved me and I have remembered bits and pieces, but never have I made it a priority to memorize it, to bury it deep in my heart and ingrain it deep in my mind so that it transforms the way I think and the way I feel and the way I live. I thought I was doing that when I studied the Word, but I was just scraping the surface before I started letting it really seep into me. Last year I discovered how regenerative and empowering it is to memorize Scripture. This happened kind of accidentally as I started writing meaningful verses on a chalkboard that I have framed in my living room. As I glanced at it throughout the days and weeks I would meditate on the words and it was amazing how transformative just that simple act was. And now I'm addicted, I can't get enough. Not just because of how it changes me, but because of how beautiful I discover God and His plan are the more I meditate on His words revealing to me who He is and what He stands for.

When thinking about my goals for this year, my main focus has been Hebrews 12:1-2 and fixing my eyes on Jesus so that I can run the race set before me with endurance. A major part of fixing my eyes on Jesus for me has become memorizing and meditating on the Word. I was thrilled when Ann Voskamp announced "The Jesus Project" for 2014 on her blog, A Holy Experience. She has created printables for meaningful verses from the gospel of John and encourages memorizing one a week. I immediately downloaded the first set of printables and printed them on cardstock and keep the one I am currently working on leaning on a large candle I keep on my kitchen counter, where I can see it easily from anywhere in my kitchen, which gives me the opportunity to read it numerous times throughout the day. Please let me share with you the first few verses and how they have affected me?

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John 1:1

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.

John 1:6

The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:14

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us and we have seen His glory, 

glory as the only Son of the Father, full of grace and truth.

Beautiful words that renew my soul. Truth is so beautiful and so powerful. Though the precepts are not new to me, they are renewing me in a way I never would have predicted as I meditate on them. Most of all I cannot get over how beautiful the truth is and how profound and how mind-blowing it is that God is so unbelievably good and loving that He made this the truth, when He could have made anything the truth, He made hope and love and grace the truth.

Some days I have to grasp and claw to hang on to that truth, to not let the darkness stamp it out. But here is a beautiful little breath of fresh air among the grasping and clawing and working so hard to train my mind and heart to fight against the lies of this world... that beautiful little breath of fresh air is John 1:6, "the Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it." As long as I have Jesus, the darkness will not be able to overcome the bright flame of truth, of hope, of love in my heart. Fresh air. Beautiful fresh air.

And oh, sweet Jesus! Glorious Jesus, "glory as the only Son of the Father," omniscient and omnipotent Jesus, Creator and Sustainer of life. Full of grace... of unfailing love. Despite all the glory, this is who He is- grace and truth. My heart is bursting! Glorious and gracious Jesus. Could anything be more beautiful???

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It's not too late to join me and discover God's beauty by memorizing and meditating on His Word...

"Is Jesus merely useful to you-- or is He ultimately beautiful to you? When Jesus is merely useful to me, I want Him to move my world. When Jesus is ultimately beautiful to me, it's my heart that is moved-- and this is how He begins to change the world." ~Ann Voskamp