Independence

Toddler independence is one of the most joyous, humorous, and frustrating things about my day.  Joyous most of all, because as a mom I delight in seeing my little guy learn and grow.  I love getting to know him as his personality buds making him a unique individual.  I am beginning to see the parts of parenting that I looked forward to pre-children, like conversations with a little human being that not only understands what I am saying, but also responds {albeit, sometimes inappropriately, but often hilariously}.  Joyous, because as he learns to do things himself, it is one less thing I have to do for him {feed him, pick up his toys, carry him from place to place, etc}. Though it does create a whole new to-do list for me {obsessively check the trash can for things he has "stored" there that I would rather not lose forever}.  Allowing him to be independent also eats up a lot of time in my day {it now takes 5 minutes to go up or down the stairs in our house, something that we do a hundred times a day and use to only take 10 seconds}.

I just got off of a Skype date with my husband in which he asked me what we did today.  I had to think about it.  I had no real agenda for today, nothing that just had to get done. The few house work things I needed to do did end up taking about five times as long as necessary because as I was putting away the clean and folded laundry, Q was emptying my sweater drawer.  Then, as I was putting away my sweaters, he was taking all the shoes out of my closet, and so on. As I was cooking the sauce for our lasagna, he was emptying the spice box in the pantry and throwing selected ones away. When I actually needed a spice for my sauce, I couldn't find it in the cupboard, the pantry, or the trash can {though I found various other non-trash items...}. This necessitated a "quick" trip to the grocery store {hahaha}. 

It is not often that we have a day with no real agenda.  Typically, there are things that need to get done, appointments to keep, plans to attempt to be on time for, etc. So on the rare day like today, I try to honor my toddler's growing independence by allowing him a little more freedom.  Yes, I needed to get to the grocery store, but I didn't have to get there and back quickly, so instead of driving {which, though ridiculous since the store is only about a quarter mile away, effectively avoids most of the possible toddler distractions and melt-down-potential situations} I let Q walk {and I didn't even bring the stroller for back-up! crazy, I know}. 

We made it about three steps out the door before his first exertion of independence. We have about 8 steps leading down from our house to the sidewalk. Q is really good walking down steps if you hold his hand but when I offered my hand there was violent head shaking. So instead of it taking 20 seconds of him cautiously stepping down holding my hand, it took roughly 5 minutes for him to chose an approach {try to reach the railing- too short, scoot on his bum- crocs don't scoot well on concrete, go backwards- we have a winner!} and to subsequently change his approach after each step or two {I think he was hoping he would magically be taller on the next step and could reach the railing... idk}. But fine, whatever, I wasn't in a hurry, he could take all the time he wanted and subsequently learn all about trial and error decision making. The rest of the grocery trip continued in the same fashion and when all was said and done it took us about an hour to accomplish a task that could have taken 10 minutes.

The extra 50 minutes were well worth it. Q had a great time being "independent." He loved getting to choose which path we took to get to the store {the longer one of course}, and he loved getting to stop and pick wild flowers, play with the wood chips, bat at the cattails blowing in the wind, and walk through the grass instead of staying on the path.  I loved hearing him giggle and seeing his bright eyes and huge grin as he discovered new things like the way the wind feels {he would stop walking and hold up his hands up like he was surrendering when the sea breeze blew}. And my heart melted when he reached for my hand while we were walking, not because I was making him hold my hand, but because he wanted to.

Watching him enjoy himself and his independence was the best part of my day.  Way better than anything I could have planned. It made me think about the importance of having days like today when we don't have a million things planned and I can intentionally allow him to do things his way {the way that takes 5 times longer than my way...}.  I know these days will become even more rare when baby #2 arrives because I will be torn between his needs and her needs {and all the other things that must get done}. So right now I am trying to be more intentional about investing in my sweet toddler's independence when I can.