"So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the harness of their heart; and they, having become callous have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil and opportunity. He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." (NASB)
These verses contrast the old self (everything in purple) and the new self (everything in blue). These verses were an eye opening reminder to me. I often try to evaluate my attitudes and actions by asking, "Did I do anything wrong?" Was I intentionally mean or hurtful? Did I act unfairly? Was I dishonest? Am I being bitter? If I can say no to those questions, then I feel justified and like I didn't do anything wrong.
I vividly remember a specific example of this from when my husband was stationed on his last submarine when I found out that one of the other wives whom I had been very close to was spreading false rumors about me that were harming my reputation. This was extremely hurtful to me and because I wanted to set the record straight I told anyone who would listen the "real story" which made her look awful. Was I intentionally mean or hurtful? Not really, I just told the truth. Did I act unfairly? No. Was I dishonest? No. Was I being bitter? Well, maybe... but I'm just telling the truth so people will know I am not the terrible person here! Those were my thoughts and how I justified slandering this person in the name of truth!
The trouble is, God isn't just concerned with what we don't do, He is also concerned with what we do do. I am to take off the old self and put on the new self. So maybe instead of evaluating myself by asking, "Did I do anything wrong?" I should also ask, "Did I do anything right?" Did I speak the truth? Were my words necessary? Did my words bring edification and grace to those who heard them? Was I kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving?
In the situation with the other wife from the boat, I am not proud of how I would have to answer those questions. Did I speak the truth? Yes. Were my words necessary? Not really, people were beginning to see her true colors without my testimony. Did my words bring grace to those who heard them? No. Was I kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving? No, no, and no.
Though I may not have done anything wrong, I also didn't really do anything right either. I made a choice to allow anger and bitterness control me instead of letting God renew the spirit of my mind.
I remember reading verse 29 soon after this situation resolved itself and being very convicted. I now try to make it my mantra and remember it before speaking;
"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear."
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